keep it real

Lately, my interactions with others in ministry have been around the theme of being authentic and real in our relationships with others and the Lord. Being authentic with the Lord centers around His call to transform our lives through journey with Him that began with surrender to the saving and forgiving work of Jesus Christ. Authenticity with others is desiring that our relationships forge deep bonds of friendship in which we are both available in times of need and challenged to grow. Conflict is a reality of life. How we handle it will either help foster relationships or contribute to their demise.

Here are few principles to consider in seeking authenticity with God and others in the midst of challenges:

1. Be honest with yourself about what is really going on inside of you. Far too many times, we react to situations and then try to justify our reactions and defend our position. Ask God to help you understand why you react the way you do. Sometimes, conversations or events trigger memories of past hurt, sin, or insecurities. We haul the past into the present and it can skew our reactions. Other times, we discover that God is placing in us a deeply held conviction or calling. Learning how to express it in a way that brings God glory is a key.

2. Be honest with others- At times, we can respond in a way that seems kind, but isn't reflecting how we are truly thinking. While I don't advocate publically humiliating people, I do think there are appropriate ways to find the right time and place to disagree agreeably. Here is the challenge we face. If we explode at others, we aren't dealing with the deep issues at hand, but letting an initial vent define the moment. If we avoid an issue, we give a false sense of agreement that isn't real. Timing, delivery, and speaking the truth in love are all key factors in this. Reflect to see if your relationships with others demonstrate honesty.

3. Be full of grace- There are times when it is appropriate to let an irritation go because you can't choose every battle. Far too often though, we don't let it go, but store it up for later as ammunition in a future argument. Remember, Christians have been forgiven a debt of sin we could never repay. We accepted a gift we do not deserve. Learn to give grace as well as receive it. Even when you have to confront issues or exercise discipline, make it about the other person, not the venting of your anger or demonstrating your authority. Use your position and power in life for the benefit of others and do it out of grace.

4. Be a manager (steward), not an owner- Being responsible is right. Being obsessed with control is not. Remember, everything we have is the Lord's. Manage it well but hold onto to it loosely enough so it doesn't control you.

5. Remember the bottom line- relationships with God and others. There are times we have to risk relationships with others to speak God's Truth as found in His word. Try to reserve those "line in the sand" moments for when it is really needed. Far too often, our lines in the sand are of our making, not the Lord.

Although I haven't mastered all of this, I do spend a lot of time dealing with people who are in conflict with God and/or others. These principles have helped me immensely. I hope they help you as well.