glove or mitten

At Mountain View, we emphasize a relationship building approach called the Hand of Fellowship. Each finger of the Hand represents differents aspects of relationships in the church. They are the worship service, Sunday School, Small Groups, Social Activities, and Serving Others in a Ministry. A ministry can be inside or outside the walls of the church.

Let me point out a couple of principles that will help you understand how to maximize relationship building.

First, have realistic expectations for the setting you are in. Many times, people look to the worship service as the primary vehicle for getting to know people, but this can be difficult. First, it is the largest group gathering of the week, so some find a crowd harder to navigate. Second, the main focus on the worship service is our collective worship offered to the Lord. Because of this, siginificant portions of time are spent on using music, scripture, prayer, and teaching to point us towards this. Times before and after services or at an altar praying provide interludes of people time, but the audience of the service is God, and we are the worshippers.

This is why participating in other settings is key in building relationships. Whether you try Sunday School or a Small Group, either or both can be a time to get to know others in a smaller setting. Also, Social Gatherings provide a chance to be together. Conversations and friendships happen more organically and naturally. Room is left for people to connect on their terms. Serving in a ministry allows you to share common values of giving to others. Many relationships grow here because of these common bonds. Whether it is a common conviction to reach an age group, those in need, or expressing gifts and abilities for God's glory, you can build relationships.

The second principle is to see the Hand of Fellowship like a mitten instead of a glove. When you wear a glove, each finger in warmed separately from the other. In a mitten, there in warmth through interdependence and connection. Try not to compartmentalize your church interactions. People in the same Sunday School class or Small Group can also serve others together or get together socially outside of Sunday mornings. Groups that serve together can also pray and learn more of the Lord together in discipleship. The Hand of Fellowship is meant to be interrelated and interconnected. People who talk after worship service can connect on Facebook or get together for a meal.

Last Sunday, I read an anonymous letter in church of someone who came to our church for a few months and then left because they felt lonely and unnecessary. I was deeply saddened that we had failed to build relationships effectively with this person. I apologize to him/her for our failure and pray God will lead them to a church where this can happen more effectively. After I read the letter, I talked candidly about how relationships involve both the willingness to go beyond the circle of those who are familiar and the willingness to do more than sit back and wait for others to come to you. It is mutual effort. I acknowledged that some people have been hurt before in their pursuit of relationships at churches, ours included. But, loneliness and isolation are a worse option than trying again and risking hurt, in my opinion.

So, I encourage you to keep building relationships with others. If you are openly social, ask God to help you notice others who need to be reached out to. If you tend to sit back and play it safe, ask God to help you to take a risk and reach out as well. With God's help, we can grow as a community of believers who are known for their love for each other and for the world around them. I praise God for where this is happening effectively, and ask Him to help us grow where it is not.